Happy Birthday Christian...my beautiful son!

7 years ago at 2am I went in to labor with my first baby. Around 1pm my water broke and my baby's heart stopped beating. I was (slowly) rushed to the hospital and after my baby's death was confirmed I had to push for the next 7 hours to get him out. We named him Christian Nicholas Call. He was born at 7:55pm, weighing 9 lbs and was 21 1/2" long. I was able to hold him, take pictures of him, take a short video of him and just love him for the next 14 hours or so.

My mind, body and spirit has never been so emotionally stimulated & shattered prior to,
or since that horrible day.

Today would have been my son Christian's 7th birthday. He would be starting 2nd grade. He would be starting to prepare for his baptism.
I wonder if Ashleigh and/or Preston would be here if Christian had lived. I wonder how different our lives would be now. I wonder what kind of mom I would have been to him vs. how I am with Ashleigh and Preston. I wonder what his likes and dislikes would be. I wonder what his personality would be like. I think about him constantly. The pain of that horrible day has faded and sadness has gone away. It all feels like a dream now...like it never happened...as it's only in my mind.
I have changed so much since the day that my son died. I feel like I am completely different person. Losing a baby is such a difficult thing to go through...I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I've heard that losing a child will either cause a marriage to fall apart or it will cause the couple to grow closer together. I have seen instances where it tears a couple apart. I feel extremely lucky that Nick and I were able to grow closer together...MUCH closer! We have probably have one of the best relationships I have ever seen. He is my rock and the love of my life and I feel very blessed to have him in my life!
I feel especially blessed that I have 2 wonderful living children. Both of them know who Christian was. His name is spoken in our house often...so they will never forget.
It was a very hard thing for me to move to Utah and be so far away from where Christian was buried. I feel extremely blessed that my sister, Emily, is willing to go "visit him" any time that I ask her to.
I am so grateful for all the cards I receive every year on his birthday...it's amazing to me how many people still remember after all this time. It touches my heart and makes me feel SO loved!
There are many people who I think were taken back to heaven before their time (grandpa Ballard, Grandma/Grandpa Call, Christian, Olivia, Howie-my dog) and I like to think that they are all in heaven together, watching us and helping to guide our lives.
My son has effected my life in a way that no one can and when I get back to heaven someday I am going to THANK my Heavenly Father for allowing me to have this life altering experience. And I plan to RUN to my little boy and throw my arms around him and try very hard to never let him go!

Happy Birthday, my sweet Christian!

THANK YOU for coming in to our lives and affecting us ALL!

I love you I miss you

Drawing by My wonderful mother in law--Juli Call

Painting by my very thoughtful Grandma--Leslie Powell

Christian Nicholas Call's hand print

Nick holding his son less than an hour after birth

Our little family...altered forever!

The last picture...just before we had to say goodbye.

It is also our 6th Temple anniversary today. Happy anniversary honey! I love you!

Fantasy Football draft

Last night was Nick's yearly fantasy football draft. His buddy Chad decided to do it over the computer on a web cam. It was really cool to see it and it seemed like all the guys had a good time this year. And the best part for me was after--I got to sit on web cam and chat with my long time friend Amanda. We haven't talked in quite a while...I've missed her!

My cute nephew Ethan

My wonderful sister Tamsen and her family came over tonight for dinner (YUMMY--thanks Tam) and some games. We had so much fun and played a new game--Rumis.

My nephew Ethan brought some cups with him to show me some new tricks he's learned. He saw a video of those professional cup stacker people...have you see it? anyway, it's pretty impressive. He showed me trick after trick! That kids got some skills! I was very impressed. :)

Ouchy....Poor Preston

We have this suction cup (hard plastic) basketball hoop thing--it's supposed to be a bath toy, but Preston never uses it in there, so we had it stuck on the front of our oven. So about 2 weeks ago he was standing in front of the oven watching me cook and the basketball hoop fell off the oven. It landed on Preston's toe. He cried a little, but it wasn't until later that we noticed under his toe nail was full of blood. Neither of us knew whether to take him to the doctors to have it drilled or to just leave it to drain on its own. We decided to just leave it... a few days later we noticed that all the blood was gone. yeah. no harm done, right?

Last Tuesday I trimmed Prestons toe nails and saw that his nail had raised up so there was like a hole under his nail where I could see pretty much everything underneath...ew.

Today, I put Preston down for a nap (a rarity now a days) and about 5 min later he started crying...I ignored him for a few minutes hoping he would just go to sleep, he didn't so I went up to check on him. he told me "toe hurt" and showed me his toe.....


The nail had almost completely come off! now what do I do? Take him to the doctor? Band aid it back down? Or clip it off? I decided to just clip as much of it off as I could and put a band aid on what was left to help protect it while he played, etc. Poor kid was NOT happy with me and after that he was so upset he would not go to sleep.... sigh.
I put the "pretty" band aid over the functional one--that has the antiseptic ointment on it and he's walking around all gimpy now. Poor kid....
Who would have thought that little plastic toy could cause so much damage!?!

A not so good day.....to really GREAT

Today was Ashleigh's first day at Lakeview Academy. We did a mad rush last night to get her some uniforms--Thankfully Target had everything that we needed! She is allowed to wear White, light blue, Navy blue and Khaki/tan...that's it! There's not a huge variety there, but the simplicity makes their outfits so cute!
Nick had a really hard time waking both Ashleigh and myself up this morning...ugh. I got home from work at 430am and had to wake up at 7am to get Ash up and ready. I am TIRED today-and I work again tonight!
Anyway, the whole way to school I was still trying to convince Ashleigh that she would have a good day at her new school. For some reason she just did not believe me... This picture I took is outside her school BEFORE the nerves really hit.
Immediately after this picture she started crying! Thankfully, with this new schedule I was able to leave Preston at home with Nick while I took Ash to school so I was able to stay with her and comfort her. I met her new teacher, who I LOVE, and we were able to go around the room and see everything, see some of the other kids, etc. I think it really helped her having me there for a few minutes.
I proceeded to tell her a little lie so I could leave her with out a tantrum and it worked really well...When I picked her up after class, her teacher (Mrs. Wyatt) said that she didn't cry at all once I left and that she did really well! Ashleigh came out ALL smiles and yelled goodbye to all of her friends that she had made (4 so far). She was happier than I have seen her in the last week.... She told me that she loved school, loved her teacher, and loved the other kids! Pfew!!! ':-) She talked all about school for the next 2 hours!

Gee, ya think she liked it?

And to think I was worried! Ha ha....it just goes to show that I need to have more faith in my husband and his opinions/decisions.
I think this will be a very good school year! (Thank goodness for Mrs. Wyatt....I really like her!)

Ashleigh changes schools....

I swear, our lives never seem to slow down, something always seems to be changing. Today is another example of that. I had just come home from taking Ashleigh to school when I got a call from Lakeview Academy. It's a charter school about 1 1/2 miles from our house-in Saratoga Springs. I sent them an application back in February (along with 20+ other charter schools) and I did call them in July to see if they had any openings-which they didn't. well, today--3 days in to the school year they called to tell me that they have an opening for Ashleigh, she can start immediately and would I accept the offer?
I was about to say No, we will not be accepting, when something blocked that part of my brain from working and I blurted out

"I need to talk to my husband first."
*SHOCK*

I hung up, called Nick who immediately said--YES, lets have her go to that school instead.
I wasn't convinced so I called my sis-in-law Jana (she knows a lot about the charter schools in this area) and she also said I should accept the offer and I should send Ashleigh there.
I decided I needed to call my mom too...(for some reason I just needed further confirmation) My mom said that it's a no brainer and I should send Ash there.
I realized that I am too emotionally invested in her current school and that I needed to look at it more objectively--having her go to this charter school has a lot of benefits--in the long term I think it's best for her to go there.
After I pick her up from school we went to Lakeview to go on a tour and find out more about the school. It is 2 levels--serving grades K-9. Kindergarten thru 2nd grade is all contained in 1 area of the school called "Pods". They feel it's more secure that way--keeps the older kids away from the younger ones. It seems very secure and I really liked the feeling I had there.

Ashleigh is NOT happy that she will be changing schools, but she's 5, so she doesn't really get a choice. And quite frankly, I think she'll love it once she is there.
Her new teacher is Mrs. Wyatt and there are only 19 kids in her class! :) She'll also be going in the mornings--Mon-Thurs 8:05 am-11am and Fri-8:05am-10:05am. This will force us all to get up earlier--something I am not going to like much, but I will deal...

You can check out her school at www.lakeview-academy.com.

Here's the other thing--Ashleigh's current teacher--Miss Billings is pregnant. Due in 3 weeks. When another mother went to the principal to ask who would be taking over when she left to have her baby and to go on maternity leave, the principal basically told her that it is non of her business. That a Sub will be coming in and that's all this mom needs to know. I don't think that's aceptable at all!!! It's too much uncertainty for these kids. This other mom is looking around now for another school--or another teacher in the current school because she is so upset about this.
So, what do ya'll think??
We're going to shop for uniforms this evening. Ashleigh is excited that she'll be able to dress like Rory from Gilmore Girls--some of you know that is my all time favorite show, and so Ashleigh has watched it with me pretty much since she was born.

Twenty Questions

1. What do you want right this minute?
Financial Freedom!
2. If you were a boxer, what would your ring name be?
Freakishly strong
3. Would you rather be perfect from the waist up or the waist down?
I just want my waist to be perfect--who cares about the rest!
4. Would you rather meet Oprah or Ellen?
Ellen--Oprah BUGS me!
5. Have you ever had Gonorrhea?
Woah--seriously personal! but NOPE..thank Goodness!
6. What does your favorite pair of underwear look like?
White, long, unflattering...
7. What’s one thing you’re afraid of?
Spiders---why is it that something SO SMALL can freak me out SO badly!?
8. If you could be reincarnated as someone/something, what would you pick?
A celebrities dog...big yard to run a play, someone to clean up after me, someone to feed/groom me, I can get hourly massages and belly rubs, and I can sleep all day!
9. Who is your least favorite actor?
Scarlett Johansson....I don't know why everyone thinks she is so pretty...she is NOT!!! ick! I kept thinking that she should have been the one to die in the Other Boelyn Girl movie.
10. Do you ever have recurring dreams?
Yes--I dream EVERY night and at least once a year I have the same dream--I am delivering balloons with my mom in walla Walla in our clown costumes, we go to an old lady's house that has TONS of china dolls. I go to her basement to see the other one's she has when this creaking old door opens and this HUGE psychotic clown comes charging out at me and tries to kill me. I am running all over the house trying to get out, my mom and the old lady are gone. All the other dolls come to life and they try to attack me too! SCARY! I have had that same dream at least once a year since I was 9 years old. And yet, I am NOT scared of clowns. go figure!
12. Do you like reality TV?
Oh yes...Nick can't figure out why I like it so much, but I do!!!
13. Are you happy right now?
Oh yes...except for a few things here and there...but over all I am VERY happy with my life!
14. Would you rather have a salad or a burger?
Why limit yourself? Have both and add some french fries too! :)
15. What would you do if you were locked in a room with your worst enemy for 3 days?
Why would I get locked in a room with my worst enemy? i just dont think that is something I would do!
16. Were you popular in high school?
Yes, but not in a good way...and I wasn't in the "popular group", but I did have a lot of friends...
17. What did you want to be when you were little, and did you follow that dream?
I always wanted to be a mom...
In elementary school I wanted to be a poet and author--I wrote a lot.
In Middle school I think I just wanted to get through school...
In high school I wanted to be a Psyciatrist, then a mom again, then a flight attendent, then anything that would allow me to travel all over the world and see EVERYTHING...still hoping that one comes true some day.
18. What’s one of your favorite quotes?
"It is never wrong to treat someone right"
19. What is one of your weaknesses?
i have tons.... um.... huh.... yep, and that about covers it.
20. Do you see the glass as half empty or half full?
usually it's half full...just depends on who I am talking to. My family usually gets my glass half empty side. I need to work on that.

Supra Meet revised

Ok...I had to ADD to the Supra post per Nick's request so go on, scroll down and take another look at ALL the great pictures that he took while he was there.

Come on, he's almost 30...humor him! ;-)

diapers...

I wonder...how many poopy diapers have you changed in 1 day--on 1 child???? We are up to 8 and it's only 6pm! ugh. ick. (Poor Preston)

I guess that's one of the side effects of being sick, huh?

After school with Ashleigh and Preston

I picked up Ashleigh (1 minute late) and all the kids were outside with their teacher waiting for the parents to pick them up. She was wearing a cute little crown (she says it's called a hat) that they made that says School is Cool. At home she told me all about school. She didn't cry after I left :-). they got to cut out the crown and put it together and she told me the rules of the scissors---"you can't cut your clothes, your hair, don't cut your neighbor-or pretend to. Only use them on paper or you will be in trouble and have to go see a man who is not very nice" (Still trying to figure out what she is talking about there...hmmm...)

This is the picture she colored while she was waiting for class to start.

she said they played on the play ground and there were monkey bars that she played on. and the teacher read them a story.

then she showed me her homework...It's the first day of Kindergarten questions that we play with her... She had a small packet of M&M's. She picks one out and then she answers the question that corresponds with that M&M color. Red--What is your teachers name? (miss Billings)
Blue--Tell about a school rule you learned. (_____)
Yellow--Tell about a new friend you met today (Ash was sitting at a table with 2 boys and 1 girl. She said she didn't want to talk to the boys, but she did talk to the girl. Her name is Ellie and now they are friends)
Green--Tell what you liked about today (waiting outside for you to pick me up)
Orange--What letter did you learn more about today? ("B")
Brown--Retell a story your teacher read today (A girl went to her first day of school, her mommy and daddy were sad, and then they came to pick her up. The end)

That's about it...she said she loves school and she has to go everyday except for Saturday and Sunday--"those are my days off".

Then Ash went off to go play with Haley so I took a couple pictures of Preston

here he is hanging from our kitchen table...

And here he is climbing on one of our TV's.... Christopher is moving in this weekend so we've been (slowly) cleaning out the rooms down there for him. This TV is one from down there--it's Nick's Xbox TV. I am not quite sure which room it will end up in....
I think Preston is a little monkey with the strength of an ant.

Over all, I am glad the first day is over...no more jitters, only fun and friends and learning!

oh--taking a poll---what do you all think about the PTA???

First day of Kindergarten

Today is Ashleigh's first day of Kindergarten! We decided to carry on the traditions of my family (I think Nick's family too...) Last night Nick gave Ashleigh a father's blessing and today I took first day of school pictures.

Ashleigh picked out her own outfit....Thanks to Grandma Call for the VERY pretty shirt!
Oh Preston---what a HAM!!!

She is holding the K to represent that she is going to Kindergarten.


Here she is outside her classroom--#160. She is still all smiles! She was SO excited!!!

Ashleigh is #3 so she hangs her back pack on hook #3 and everything that has her name on it also has the #3 on it.

Ashleigh's classroom....the lady bent over on the right in blue/white/orange is her teacher-Miss Billings. the boy to the right of miss Billings is one of the only kids who had a tantrum...Ash started crying when she saw him crying. *sigh* Ashleigh's chair is right behind where the teacher is standing (where her butt is).

Ashleigh in her seat....still smiling, but the crying started right after this picture. She kept asking me to stay. I firmly told her I could not stay and that I would be back at 2:30 to pick her up. I told her I loved and to have fun and then I took off.

I stood outside the classroom with another mom--I made a friend--and comforted her. She was having a hard time leaving her son (only child) so we stayed outside the classroom for a few minutes and talked and watched the kids. Ash never looked back when I left and she seemed to be doing fine. I am excited to talk to her and see how her first day went!!! :)
My view from the door--Ashleigh's back is to us...can you spot her?

A tooth...and a sweet moment

Ashleigh's baby tooth is still intact. It's gotten looser, but it's not coming out just yet. I gave Ash a piece of dental floss and put it around the tooth, but let her play with it. I didn't want to traumatize her by yanking it out with out her permission. I know it'll come out soon enough. I want it to be on her terms!

side note--see the scratch on her cheek? Preston did that.... :-( Mean little boy!

Isn't this sweet? When they are getting along it's just the sweetest sight. They sure love each other---some times! ;-)

Supra Meet

Nick said he had a lot of fun at the Supra meet yesterday. He and I had gone to one in Portland back when Nick had his white Supra--there were a LOT of cars/people who came to that one. This one was much smaller--only about a dozen cars, but the people were a lot nicer and were very welcoming. Nick also thought it was interesting that there were only 2 "older" Supras--his included. Most of the cars were the "newer" versions...as you can see in the pictures. I still wish I had gone with him, but I'm so glad that he had fun!