Thursday, July 9, 2009

What do you do?


Ashleigh is 6 1/2, Preston is almost 3. Ashleigh is very independent...I can let her go out in to the neighborhood and play with her friends (there are 6 with in a block of us) with out any worry that she will go where she's not allowed, or talk to someone she's not supposed to talk to. She is very responsible and always has been! Ashleigh would play outside and with friends from the moment she wakes up until we call her in for bed at night if we let her. She is usually allowed to play outside once her chores are done and her summer school work is done (around 11am) and she comes in and out through out the day to tell me where she is playing now, what she is doing, who she is with, etc. I told you, she's responsible! Occasionally she'll come in for lunch, but more often she'll come home when Nick gets home and we all have dinner together. Then, if it's a NON-shower night, she gets to go back out to play until 830pm (bedtime is between 9pm and 9:30pm). When Nick started working again, every night after he got home from work Ash would go back out to play (if we let her) and then when we called her in at bed-time she would whine and complain that she didn't get to spend any time with daddy! We quickly nipped that in the butt by telling her that if she really wanted to spend time with daddy she would come in when he got home from work and she would get to spend more than 2 hours with him every night! Her complaints have stopped since then. I am way off subject though....
My title "what do you do?" refers to Preston, Not Ashleigh! Like I said, Ash has a lot of friends in the neighborhood...she is never with out someone to play with. Preston, however is still too little for me to feel comfortable letting him just go out and play with out my supervision. He tests his boundaries a lot--going in to the road, playing in neighbors yards--pulling out their grass/flowers, etc. I am usually on the porch watching him while he is outside, but occasionally when my allergies are really bad I have to stay inside. I do, however, watch him from our front room window and go out to stop him from doing something he's not supposed to do (which is often), and then come back inside and sneeze my head off for 5 minutes!
Preston is also in the "copy-cat" stage. He wants to do everything that Ash and/or her friends do and he says everything that they say. (Its pretty annoying, but I know it's just a phase) What goes along with this copy-cat stage is that EVERY time Ashleigh asks to go outside to play, immediately Preston asks too. For the most part, Ash has been really sweet about keeping an eye on Preston and letting me know if I need to get him, or correct his behavior. Lately, however, she seems to come in every 10 min to tell me what Preston is doing wrong. I get frustrated and irritated with her...instead of him...the person actually doing something wrong!
She has been asking to play with her friends with OUT Preston and I have become frustrated with that as well, because then Preston is left out and all he wants to do is play with them!
Because of his age, he can't just have friends over, I actually have to set up play dates. I don't like play dates--where the mom's are "forced" to socialize while their kids play, all the while trying not to judge each other on how the other disciplines and interacts with their child, or what she is wearing (I do live in Utah, after all), or if our interests match, etc. I am not an overly social person anymore and the thought of entertaining another 3 year old or his/her mom is not very appealing to me. As far as I can tell, there is a boy who lives only a few houses away who is Preston's age. The mom has tried a few times over the last year and a half to get our boys together to play. None of which were convenient times for me. (She called me 7 times while we were on our vacation in Reno last December! Um, HELLO...seems kind of stalkerish to me! Totally rubbed me the wrong way!) I am just not personally interested in our boys playing together. The other boys who live somewhat close to our house are at least 1-2 years older than Preston and are in to things that he just doesn't get at this age (like using light-sabers, or skateboarding). So...what do I do?
Do I make Ashleigh play with Preston too?
Do I tell Preston he has to play in our yard all alone?
Do I suck it up and find him a play date friend? That's only good for once a week or so...not every day!
Do I ignore the whole thing and just go about life the way it's been? After all, he'll grow up soon enough and be with his friends all the time and rarely with me anymore...
Do I.....what? What do I do?

This was a lot of information just to get to this final question, but I am hoping that you other mom's out there can give me your advice--good or bad to help me decide what (if anything) I should do...

5 comments:

Tamsen said...

Well of course I have an opinion about this, as I do most everything else :) I will email you, though.

Russ and Suzanne Ballard said...

Too bad you don't have a fence as it would solve the whole thing. I'd probably talk to the other lady (the "stalker") and see if she is still wanting to have "play dates". Try one or two and then just trade babysitting after that so you don't have to be with the mom also.

Patrick and Emily said...

I have never heard that playdates have to include the mom. All the playdates that my kids have had are "kid-swap" dates. Think of someone from church that Preston likes to play with and do a swap. If it's someone from church you know they live close so it's not too inconvenient. When he's at the other mom's house, he plays and you get a break; when the other kid is at your house, it's still sort of a break for you too because you don't have to deal with a frustrated/bored Preston! You don't "have to" have the mom over too! I don't know if you should make Ashleigh play with him or not. I don't really have the same problem as you because in our neighborhood the girls both have friends that are their respective ages. Also, while Bridget is like Ashleigh and could stay out all day playing, Avery has a limit before she wants to come home and just hang out with me. She also really enjoys playing by herself, which Bridget never did. I also never have had to deal with "making" Bridget play with Avery....I guess that's the benefit of same-gendered children....they are better at playing together. Sorry, I know that's not much help. A couple more weeks and Preston will get all the play time he wants at the reunion!!!

Patrick and Emily said...

This may be a silly suggestion, since it would cost money, but if you have the means for it in the future, I would get a trampoline. Our neighbors have one and even months later the kids are not bored of it. And it would keep Preston in your backyard where you could keep an eye on him and not worry so much about him running out in the street. Also, it attracts other kids from the neighborhood so he would have other kids to play with, even if they didn't come specifically to play with Preston in the first place. Or cheaper options would be sprinklers or a sandbox. Just a thought.

Janabanana said...

I emailed you my opinion as well. I also agree with mom and Em, a fence and some toys (and your yard being grassed--when are we coming to put that in?!?) will help a lot.